Oh, The Glamourous Life!

Dear Constant Reader,

I love this event. I’m very happy that The Expo provides this opportunity for new performers and I’m thrilled to help host it. Everyone brings their A-game and there is an energy that is rarely found amongst seasoned pros.

This year was no exception for wonderful performers. We switched things up by having the variety performers interspersed amongst the burlesque instead of having the separate Sideshow Ball. I think it made things even more fun.

It’s always wonderful to see performers in The Newcomers’ Showcase one year who then appear in The Main Event (or The Last Chance Speakeasy this year) the next. (Ruby Solitaire, Amber Rane, and Delilah Spring all come to mind.)

I also want to single out Bella Russe, who made her debut in December at The Burlesque Marathon. She opened the show and it was lovely to see how she has grown and improved in such a short time.

My heart swells with pride when I see former B.A.B.E. students take the stage, like Dagny Vanderlust and Ginny Nightshade this year (both of whom will be at The Teaseday Club on May 14th). But I am most thrilled to introduce the “Burlesque Your Way” students.

This year we had 2 graduates who made it through the 6-week program to create their own routines and present them at The Expo! Bella Viva and Cheri Fluster knocked ’em dead. I know they were nervous, but they both did beautifully. I’m hoping to see more from them in the future.

This year I handed out blue “Super Star” ribbons to every Newcomer because they are all are!

And that’s the end of the reports from The Great Burlesque Exposition of 2013. I will now return to my regular schedule (ha!) of epistles.

Dear Constant Reader,

It’s time to get back to my Expo recaps. There are only a couple more to go…

I will confess that I’ve been stalling on this one. How do you describe so much awesomeness?

If you, O Constant Reader, are unfamiliar with The Expo, allow me to explain that The Main Event is the big competition. It’s judged by last year’s winners (and myself) and the Legends and special guests get to bestow awards on their favorite performers.

It’s really hard to judge. And this year was incredibly hard. The level of talent was so high. So many wonderful performances. Creative, funny, beautiful.

And I had to miss the acts that were not in competition because the judges were off deliberating.

In the end, the winners were…

The Shanghai Pearl’s favorite: Vivienne La Flamme and Vanil La Frappe, for their rubber ducky bathtub duet that made her dreams come true.

Jo Weldon’s favorite: Gorejess, for dealing with a wardrobe malfunction with grace and charm (and an upraised middle finger)

Toni Elling’s favorite: Donna Denise with a classic strip and extraordinary tassel twirling.

Judge’s Choice: Bobby Barnaby, for his etherial fan dance. Sometimes called “Judge’s Choice”, sometimes “Honorable Mention”, this award recognizes a noteworthy performer.

Best Hybrid: Peggy de Lune, for her hysterical sing & strip in the guise of a ditzy stewardess from Chicago. This award is for the best combination of burlesque and another art. In this case, singing. There were also acts under consideration that involved acrobatics, baton twirling, and singing with live accompaniment.

Most Humorous: Dangrrr Doll, for her adorable polar bear act. As last year’s winner, Paco Fish pointed out, one way to burlesque something is to take something serious and parody it and another is to take something ridiculous and be serious about it. She fell in the latter category in a big way. Personally, I was won over when she pulled a rhinestoned fish out of her underwear.

Most Classic: Donna Denise, for her above-mentioned classic strip and tassel twirling. Donna is one of those rare women with total pectoral muscle control. She can pop her breasts up and down and twirl tassels. Last year she was April March’s favorite and it was a delight to see her become a title holder this year.

Most Beautiful: Femme Brulee, for her rain cloud into sunshine act.

Best Solo: Gorejess, for just total bad-assery. I suppose I could sum it up by saying she was a housewife who turned into Rosie the Riveter, but it was so much more powerful than just that. And she handled the loss of a pastie completely in character.

Congratulations to all the winners and you’ll see them next year!

Dear Constant Reader,

The Last Chance Speakeasy was late Friday night after The Rhinestone Revue. It came about because Scratch wanted a casino-type party to celebrate the lucky 7th year and there were so many applicants to perform this year that he wanted to create an opportunity for more of them.

The room that would become the Exhibit Hall on the morrow was transformed into a classy cabaret by The House of Gorejess. There was a small stage at one end for performances, hosted by The Purrfessor, a spread of nibbles, a bar in the vestibule, and two blackjack tables, manned by Scratch & myself.

I can’t write up a blow by blow, like the previous missive, because there were so many acts. I want to single out a few that made an impression on me:

It was great way to end the night and gave even more performers a chance to strut their stuff. I’m hopeful The Expo will continue to have a similar cabaret in future years.

And here’s a picture of me and Dot Mitzvah in our slinky black dresses.(On me, dress by J. Peterman, shoes from Angie Pontani, gloves from Carmen and Ginger, purse from Melissa Flynn, cameo necklace by Diamond*Star*Halo)

Dear Constant Reader,

Friday night at The Expo is The Rhinestone Revue, a showcase of the best performers: last year’s winners, previous year’s winners, and invited guests. And The Boston Babydolls.

We’ve been working extremely hard on a brand new number for the Expo and keeping most of the details under wraps. I’ll tell you more about that later.

Unless otherwise noted, photos from Boston.com

The show was supposed to be hosted by our Legendary guests, Toni Elling, The Duke’s Delight, and April March, The First Lady of Burlesque, but a week ago, April broke her ankle in 3 places! So, Scratch helped out Toni. I couldn’t hear so well from the green room, but they did call April from stage.

The show opened with Scarlett Letter, Most Classic 2007, Best Solo 2010, doing a classic tease in purple. I’m a sucker for panel skirts, which she used beautifully. And the hair tease was incredible! Scarlett has *four feet* of red hair (and miles of bad intentions) which she took down, hid behind, and whipped around to the delight of the audience.

Special guest Willy Barrett (aka Delsarte Master Joe Paul Williams) seductively stripped… a bar of chocolate. All the while Betty Blaize and Delilah Spring fluttered their fans around and behind him. It was funny, but sensual as well. His movements are so expressive. As a final tidbit, he and his backup dancers only had one rehearsal together. You never would have guessed.

Lucy Buttons, Most Classic 2009, Queen of Rock ‘n Roll Burlesque, strutted her stuff to “Nasty Naughty Boy”. I missed most of it because I was getting ready for our act, but I know she ended up covered in glitter and a bottle of champagne was involved.

Scandal From Bohemia, Most Humorous 2010 had everyone laughing as she made a sandwich to Weird Al’s parody of “My Sharona” (look it up). My favorite part — her hair ornaments were actually giant frilly toothpicks that she thrust into the sandwich.

BettySioux Tailor, Most Beautiful 2010 rocked out to “Purple Haze”. We were back stage, rocking out to her music and watching her silhouette on the backdrop. I love the undies BettySioux is wearing — I almost got to wear them in her fashion show last summer.

Then it was our turn. We were supposed to start the act in complete darkness, but the stage right side lights were still on. And continued to stay on. I could see Linda B., our stage manager, frantically hunting though the cables, and I’m sure, at the lighting board, Hunter was gnashing his teeth. Scratch called for us to come off stage. We’d try again after intermission.

We did and all went well. More in a moment. I want to finish gushing about the other performers. I know I’m teasing you, but that’s the whole point!

The first of last year’s winners was Cherokee Rose, Most Classic. We were heading back to the green room at this point so I can’t describe the act. I’m sorry I missed this because she said it was a very dirty number and there was a riding crop involved.

Dot Mitzvah, the first ever Best Hybrid winner, did what she did best. She sang. Opera. While stripping. At one point hitting some amazing high notes while pulling off her glove with her teeth! And it was funny too.

The Shanghai Pearl, one of our special guests, performed her Bird of Paradise act with a costume inspired by a Blue and Gold Macaw. She gives such good face! And her tail wasn’t bad either! Later, her feathers were available for closer examination in the Costume Exhibit.

Paco Fish, Most Humorous, was disturbingly erotic as a judge with a special relationship with justice. And his gavel. It was quite the contrast to his high-energy cheerleader act, but still showcases his background in physical comedy.

St. Stella and James and the Giant Pastie, Most Beautiful, performed their winning number from last year. If it’s possible, it was even better. James, a statue, came to life and seduced St. Stella. For the record, I believe he posed as David, Le Penseur, and Discobolos.

Jo Weldon, another special guest, performed her act in honor of all the ladies of Pink Light Burlesque. You can see her gorgeous tribute fans in this picture, but her pasties, g-string, and shoes are equally dazzling. I’m just in awe of Jo. Her stage presence is incredible. She began the number just by standing still on stage. Every eye was riveted to her and then… she took a breath. It was like a revelation. (Photo from WBUR.org)

Burgundy Brixx, Best Solo, was just the epitome of the showgirl with a classy and elegant striptease. And then there was the boa. Oh, her boa was the perfect surprise. Far be it for me to spoil it for you.

It was all fabulous! Oh, I’m sorry, wasn’t I supposed to tell you about our number? All right, I’ll stop teasing. This was the very first time we presented this number and we were all so excited! We wanted to bring a little Vegas to Boston!

The theatre went completely dark, our music, the JXL Remix of “A Little Less Conversation” came up, and a single flashlight came on to spotlight the first dancer. We did the entire thing in the dark, lit only by penlights held by the dancers, turning on and off to tease.

It kind of looked like this:

We’re really proud of how it came out! Concept was by Scratch. Choreography by Betty. Costumes designed by Scratch and predominantly constructed by Schwartz, Betty, Devora, and myself, although everyone pitched in to rhinestone the pasties.

And this is what we looked like in the light:
(Teeth & Tits photo by Jo Weldon)

And then it was time to relax and enjoy The Last Chance Speakeasy!