Oh, The Glamourous Life!

Dear Constant Reader,

I believe I neglected to tell you that I had been selected to perform at The New York Burlesque Festival. I am incredibly excited! There’s a lot of competition for a relatively few slots and this year happens to be the 20th anniversary.

I’ll be performing Thursday night at The Bell House (where I’ve performed at previous NYBFs) with Whole Lotta Mina, which you may have seen if you were at the most recent Expo or if you’re one of my Patrons.

This all means I am eligible for a Golden Pastie award! Nominations are open until September 11 and then voting starts. I’ve decided to concentrate my efforts on being nominated for The Producers Dream Award (for the performer who is never late and always sends their music on time) and for The Dorian Gray Award (for the performer who looks younger now than when they started performing) (maybe not younger, but enough people have said I look much the same as when I started this burlesque stuff over a decade and a half ago).

So, I am asking you, Dear Reader, to please nominate me in those two categories. If I am fortunate enough to be a finalist, you will surely know. I have never won a burlesque award and despite the silliness, a Golden Pastie would mean a lot to me.

Thank you in advance,

These writings and other creative projects are supported by my 14 Patrons. Thank you so much! To become a Patron, go to my Patreon page. Or you can just tip me if you liked this.

Dear Constant Reader,

Today is your last change to vote for me for The MacGyver Award Golden Pastie! No silly promises today, just that I’m thrilled and delighted to be nominated. Almost as thrilled and delighted as I am to perform my Tribute to April March, The First Lady of Burlesque Thursday night at the 10th New York Burlesque Festival!

Dear Constant Reader,

Remember that I fought tirelessly for the Personal Pastie Protection Amendment and will always support your right to wear pasties.

Vote for me for The MacGyver Award!

Dear Constant Reader,

I suppose I should make at least one Golden Pastie campaign promise related to the award itself:

If I win, I will petition venues to keep multiple colors of duct tape in the dressing room, including leopard-print.

Vote for me for The MacGyver Award!

Dear Constant Reader,

Here’s another Golden Pastie campaign promise:

I am a proud one-percenter. When I finish an act, only 1% of my body will be covered by a costume.

Vote for me for The MacGyver Award!

Dear Constant Reader,

I promised that if I was nominated for a Golden Pastie Award, I would make campaign promises. And I always keep my promises. Here’s the first one:

If I win, I will leak to the media racy photographs of myself in compromising positions.

Vote for me for The MacGyver Award!

Dear Constant Reader,

Thanks to you, I have been nominated for a Golden Pastie Award! Let me tell you, it’s an honor just to be nominated, especially since this is my first New York Burlesque Festival.

If you would, now please vote for me for The MacGyver Award (For the performer who can fix any costume malfunction anytime, anywhere, and with anything). I’ve got some really stiff competition — there are some talented and clever ladies on the list! You only need to vote once.

With your help, I can bring home that coveted Pastie!