Dear Constant Reader,
Happy Friday! Happy New Year! I wish you all the best in 2016! To start your year off right, here’s your tip:
Take time to reflect on the lessons of the past year and your dreams for the coming one.
Thank you so much for continuing to read my missives for another year. I appreciate every Constant Reader.
Dear Constant Reader,
There’s been this post going around about a baker who made leopard bread. Baking. Leopard-print. What’s not for me to love and want to try in my own kitchen?
One makes bread dough and leaves some of it white, colors some of it dark brown and some light brown with cocoa powder and then rolls the colors up around one another so that when you slice into the loaf, it reveals a leopard pattern, but there was no actual recipe in that post.
However, hidden in the post was a link to a baking blog with the bread recipe. It was in Portuguese. I don’t know Portuguese, but I figured I could muddle through with my experience with other romance languages plus a dictionary. Then I found a link on that page to what seemed to be the original recipe and it was in French. Excellent! I happen to read culinary French very well. I ended up translating both and comparing them.
In addition to translating the words into English, I also converted all the measurements from grams, milliliters and Celsius to cups, teaspoons, ounces, and Fahrenheit. This required a fair amount of research since every ingredient converts from weight to volume differently. I had to do a lot of thinking about the appropriate type of flour.
In the end I went with the French version as writ because it was more detailed and the white dough was flavored with orange zest instead of vanilla. However, I decided not to top the bread with melted chocolate and chopped hazelnuts, although that sounds pretty good…
And this was the result.
It’s not bad for a first try. Since I cut it open you can’t tell that is not a nice loaf shape. The dough was very elastic and I wasn’t able to keep the rolls from shrinking when I put them in the loaf pan, so it has uneven protuberances on the ends. It’s also not done all the way though, although I thought it was. It had all the hallmarks of done bread, but it needed at least another 5-10 minutes. I’d also like to make sure there is a clearer distinction between the light brown dough and the dark brown dough — just a touch less cocoa powder for one and a touch more for the other should be fine.
Since baking it I found yet another link in the French blog and found another version in English by a Chinese baker which referred this one in Chinese (which is where the trail ends). However, the bread in these two versions is different than the sweet cake-like bread of the Portuguese and French versions, the first being more of a white sandwich bread and the second being a sourdough-type.
I’m pretty sure that a variety of bread recipes will work with the spot-forming technique and I might try a different one next time.
Dear Constant Reader,
Happy Friday! Merry Christmas! Here’s your tip!
Christmas decorations can make great costuming embellishments.
They’re colorful, sparkly, and, right now (because I know most of you are reading this on Saturday), on sale. Go stock up!
Dear Constant Reader,
Happy Friday! I’ve been saving this particular tip for a special occasion and this is the right day for it. Here it is!
Don’t get cocky, kid.
Some of my Constant Readers will be amused more than others.
Dear Constant Reader,
Back in November, I wrote of my quest to prove the vintage recipe testers at Buzzfeed wrong and of the results of my first experiment, Olive-Cheese “Porcupine”. At that very same party, I also made a ham and banana dish. I had to do this at a party, because I wanted the feedback from several palates but also because I hate bananas.
I didn’t actually use the same recipe as the Buzzfeed folks. I could tell that theirs was going to be disgusting no matter how good a cook I am, so I found one that was similar, to prove that the recipe was at fault, not the dish concept. I used the recipe for Ham Banana Rolls with Cheese Sauce from a Chiquita Banana’s Recipe Book from 1950 while they made Ham and Bananas Hollandaise from the McCall’s Great American Recipe Card Collection from 1973. I’ll explain as I go how the two diverged.
Start with bananas, ham, mustard, butter, milk, flour, shredded cheese
Both recipes begin about the same. Take slices of boiled ham and spread with mustard. My recipe left the amount of mustard up to the cook, while theirs specified a teaspoon and a half per slice. I just covered each slice with a thin, even coating. Diverging from both recipes, I used baked ham instead of boiled, because I was going to be making my lunch out of the left-over meat and I don’t like boiled ham. Does anyone? Also, back when they probably used French’s yellow, but I used a brown deli mustard.
I wrapped the bananas in the mustard-smeared ham and then brushed the bare banana tips with melted butter. Their recipe says to sprinkle the bananas with lemon juice to keep them from browning (not so necessary I thought) before wrapping the bananas. In both cases the wrapped bananas go into a greased, shallow baking dish.
Now things get very different. Their bananas are baked at 400F for 10 minutes. I baked my bananas at 350F for 30 minutes, but first I had to pour cheese sauce over them.
The cheese sauce is really easy. Make a roux with butter and flour, then add milk. Then add grated cheese and cook until it’s all smooth and hot. I confess, I used sharp cheddar instead of the called-for sharp American because I already had a bag of shredded cheddar for the porcupine (and I like it better).
Instead of baking the bananas in cheese sauce, they added hollandaise sauce after baking. You mix an envelope of hollandaise sauce mix with some water, cream, and lemon juice bring it to a boil. Pour over the bananas and bake 5 minutes more.
Here’s a gratuitous picture of the chef with the finished product. My taste-testers wrote “This is something I will get a craving for in the future. So great!” and “Awesome combo. Maybe need more salt or sharpness but this is one of those surprising flavor combos I’m glad I tried.” Those who liked bananas really liked the bananas. They were nice and creamy and had transformed from “hot banana” into something very tasty. Those who liked ham liked that too, especially the part that was above the cheese sauce, as it got crispy and brown. The part of the ham that was completely submerged in the sauce was not as good, since it never browned. The mustard flavor didn’t blend well with the ham & banana and was a touch assertive. The cheese sauce was a little bland.
If I were to make this again, I’d add some dry mustard to the cheese sauce (and salt & pepper), shred the ham and sprinkle it on top of the bananas, instead of wrapping it around. It doesn’t make for as nice, tidy, and midcentury a presentation, but it solves all the problems above while keeping the good parts.
I’m not surprised that the Buzzfeed version got low marks. To start I think they followed the recipe to the letter and used boiled ham and yellow mustard. Although their bananas cook at a higher temperature, it’s for half the time. They probably didn’t get creamy and slightly caramelized like mine did. Also, they were cooked without the sauce, just having been seasoned with lemon juice, which I think was totally unnecessary. I doubt the bananas were going to get oxidized in the short time from peel to pan. Perhaps the recipe was deliberately trying to amp the lemon flavor. Also, I think brushing the exposed banana bits with butter in my recipe improved the flavor and helped them brown.
Lastly, and most importantly, I think their hollandaise sauce was a loser from the get-go. Maybe it could have been okay with an actual freshly made hollandaise, but a mix was right out. I’m sure adding extra lemon juice to an already lemon-flavored sauce mix didn’t help. I’m not sure why the recipe creator thought ham, banana, and lemon was going to be delicious. I know hollandaise was pretty popular in the ’70s. I’m sure it was seen as more chic than a pedestrian cheese sauce.
It probably deserved the reviews of “It’s kind of like a banana split made a baby with a hot dog? Oh, it’s very sour!” and “Even the bits of banana that graciously don’t have slop on them have absorbed the scent of lemon and mustard in a very aggressive way.”
So don’t every try the 1973 version with hollandaise, but the 1950 version with cheese sauce is actually worth making.
Here’s the original recipe, straight from Chiquita:
Ham Banana Rolls with Cheese Sauce
4 thin slices boiled ham
Prepared mustard
4 firm bananas (all yellow or slightly green-tipped)
1 1/2 Tablespoons melted butter or margarine
Cheese Sauce
Spread each slice of ham lightly with mustard.
Peel bananas. Wrap a slice of prepared ham around each banana. Brush tips of bananas with butter or margarine.
Place Ham Banana Rolls into a greased shallow baking dish, and pour Cheese Sauce over them. Bake in a moderate oven (350°F) 30 minutes, or until bananas are tender… easily pierced with a fork.
Serve hot with the Cheese Sauce from the baking dish.
Serves 4
Cheese Sauce
1 1/2 Tablespoon butter or margarine
1 1/2 Tablespoons flour
3/4 cup milk
1 1/2 cups grated sharp American cheese
Melt butter or margarine in saucepan; add flour and stir until smooth. Stir in milk slowly. Add cheese and cook, stirring constantly until sauce in smooth and thickened.
Makes about 1 cup sauce.
I’ll need to throw another party soon to try some of the other recipes.
These writings and other creative projects are supported by my Patrons. Thank you so much! To become a Patron, go to my Patreon page. Or you can just tip me if you liked this.
Dear Constant Reader,
Happy Friday! Here’s your tip!
When curling your lashes, move the curler from base to tip, gently squeezing as you go.
This gives you a more natural curl than one sharp crimp. You knew this already, but open the curler to move it; don’t drag it down your lashes while it’s closed. Ouch.
Dear Constant Reader,
The season of gift giving is upon us. A couple of years ago I made some suggestions for small businesses to support here and here. And some literary recommendations here.
This year I also suggest the following:
Marrus is always creating new art. Lithographs of her newest painting, “Depression’s End” are available for pre-order, but she has lots of other prints and originals ready right now.
Rory O’Brien’s new novel, Summerland, is now available. I got a preview of this story of spiritualism in Gilded Age Newport and can’t wait to read the rest. It’s only in print right now, but a book is so much easier to wrap and put under the tree than a Kindle download. (You’ve already read Gallows Hill, right?)
Dr. Jen at Atomic Cosmetics (good for your skin; good for your soul) is offering these great Winter Skin Survival Kits containing three of her incredible moisturizing products. You can buy them for the folks on your gift list or donate them to help the homeless in three cities. Or both!
And personally, I think classes from B.A.B.E. are always the perfect gift. We’re happy to make a custom gift certificate for classes, private lessons, or even Burly-Q parties. Just drop me a line!
Red Snapper made this list of fabulous Showgirl Stocking Stuffers. Here are some more ideas from Caramel Knowledge.
Or you could come to The Boston BeauTease Theatrical Tag Sale this Sunday for some one-of-a-kind costumes, props, and other strange things. I’ll even be selling some goodies from my personal wardrobe.
Dear Constant Reader,
At last the post you’ve been waiting for. What burlesque goodies did I buy at BurlyCon? Not as many as previous years. I’m not sure why. Maybe because Atomic Cosmetics wasn’t there this year. Maybe I just wasn’t in a shopping mood. I’m saving my pennies for a set from Glorious Pasties.
Clockwise from top:
Not pictured is the signed photo of Guest of Honor Delilah Jones all curled up in a giant champagne glass.
Scratch also did a little shopping. His best find was this fabulous costume that belonged to Raven Roland — complete with pasties. You can see it in person at The Great Burlesque Expo!
Dear Constant Reader,
Happy Friday! Here’s your tip!
Check your equipment yourself.
Aerialists already know this. If someone else sets up for you, don’t just trust that they did it correctly. Make sure. See for yourself.
Perhaps you have a set piece that breaks down for transit. You would want to make sure that at the venue it was assembled correctly and securely. This goes double for anything that supports you. Maybe it’s a prop that shoots confetti at a crucial moment. Check not only that it’s loaded, but also that it was loaded correctly.
Even costume pieces could use a doublecheck. I learned this to my regret a couple of years ago. In “Factory Girls”, we wear these adorable tear-away overalls (seen at right at the Ohio Burlesque Festival 2014). There’s a long row of snaps up each leg, so we always appreciate help resnapping after rehearsals and shows. However, and this is very important, to get the timing of the tear-off right, we only fasten every other snap. Also, since these were commercial overalls that we modified, they had a big rivet-like button at each hip, which we leave unfastened, using a whopper popper (a really big snap, for those who don’t know the lingo) instead.
A helpful stage kitten snapped up my overalls one day and I blithely put them on at our next show. It was only at the moment I went to pop the first whopper popper that I realized the button was also fastened. Oh crap. After fumbling frantically, I went for the tear and yes, you guessed it, every single blessed snap had been fastened.
It was my own damn fault. I didn’t check that the kitten knew the proper snapping procedure and I didn’t check that it had been done correctly. Don’t be like me.
Dear Constant Reader,
The last day at BurlyCon. Priorities today included packing up, checking out, and making sure to say good bye to some people and “See you at The Expo” to others. I still managed to get in a goodly number of classes.
Advanced Floorwork (Bella Blue): This class promised to be fast-paced and not for the faint of heart. I didn’t realize we were going to be learning a choreography which incorporated some floorwork, rather than floorwork techniques (although there was a little of that later). I realized I was in over my inflexible head when Bella encouraged everyone to try a drop split to conclude the routine. I did my best to keep up and took copious notes about the things I wanted to try again later.
Sass and Play, Cabaret Dance Class (Midnite Martini): This class was so much fun! Midnite is a terrific teacher. As promised, we ran through a sassy, playful choreography to a song from Chicago. It reminded me of the importance of naming moves and combinations so they can easily be shouted out during teaching.
Roundtable: I’m Too Old for This Shit: Scandal from Bohemia led this discussion for older performers (“older” running a wide range of ages). Lots of interesting points raised about the problems and benefits of no longer being a spring chicken.
Prep for Press, Producers, & Festival Applications (Jo Weldon): I was going to go to Scarlet O’Hairdye and Bolt Action’s class on pattern alteration, but I realized that A) I didn’t have the brain power to give it the attention it deserved and B) they had proposed it for The Expo. Instead, I wandered late into this class of Jo’s and curled up in the corner to listen to her share her experience & wisdom. Honestly, it was old hat to me, but it was fabulous to see so many people learning the correct way to work with producers, etc. for the best possible result on all sides. This class should be mandatory for all performers.
I briefly went to Closing Ceremonies (not a raffle winner again), but couldn’t stay for the actual ceremony because my sister was going to pick us up for a visit. Last BurlyCon she and I tried to get together, but between managing the massive renovations on her house and getting ready for a trip to Beijing, it was impossible. It was delightful to see her, and finally encounter all the new (to me) things in her life: gentleman caller, house, and cat.
After a lovely dinner and a tour of her newly-renovated house, it was time to head to the airport for what turned out the be a rather hellish flight. Red-eyes are always no fun, but this was particularly special. I had booked an aisle and window seat in the hopes that there would be no one between us. Of course it was a completely full flight, so I gave up my window seat to sit next to Scratch. And discovered that the center seat wouldn’t recline. I managed to get some fitful sleep my head on the tray and the flight lasted approximately 67 hours. It’s so glamourous being a traveling showgirl.
I was so glad to get home, pet Albert, and then pass out on my luxurious bed for several hours.
Next up, the shopping!
Oh, The Glamourous Life! 