Dear Constant Reader,
Before I get to our exciting adventure, I just wanted to mention that I’ll be performing at The New York Burlesque Festival! If that weren’t exciting enough, I’m eligible for a Golden Pastie Award. I’m aiming for the “I Woke Up Like This Award”. Please nominate me in that category! (http://www.thenewyorkburlesquefestival.com/goldenpasties2.php) If I’m a finalist, I’ll come up with a nice thank you. If I actually win, there will be a super-special treat.
Back to your regularly scheduled missive…
This weekend Scratch, Betty, Stella, and I went to Asbury Park, NJ to perform in the first ever NJ Burlesque Festival. We spent Friday night in Manhattan (sorry, no wacky adventures to speak of) and headed down early Saturday morning to get caught in the inevitable Shore traffic.
We were scheduled to be teaching classes all afternoon at The Comic Crypt. Since we’d been told there was a small stage, theatrical lighting, and a sound system, I assumed it was a comedy club. I was wrong. It was a comic book shop with a tiny performance venue, home of Ink and Paint Burlesque. It was adorable!
But no one had signed up for the first class, so Stella, Betty, and I did a little exploring while Scratch prepared either to teach or do some work (the latter as it turned out). We went to Red Bank and restrained ourselves at The Cheese Cave, amongst some other window shopping. We returned to see if I had any students for my boa class. And when the answer was no, Scratch took off with Mr. Khon, the event’s producer and we dancers rehearsed our number for the night. Betty did have students for her choreography class and the rest of us amused ourselves with milkshakes at Sonic (don’t judge; Sonic is very rare in the Boston area).
After a break at the hotel, we headed for Asbury Lanes. Most of us had performed there last summer, but Betty has never been there. It’s an odd space — the stage is set up smack in the middle of the bowling lanes. There’s a lounge between the stage and the pin-resetting equipment to use as a dressing room. It’s crowded, but everyone was friendly and trying to make sure there was enough space for all.
We unpacked our pink boxes and were planning to do a run on stage when… Betty couldn’t find her character shoes. She was sure she had packed them, but they were absolutely not in the box. With a bit of panic and in desperation, she asked the dressing room at large if anyone wore her size shoe and had a pair to spare. Luna Chase came to her rescue. Not only did the shoes fit, they were even character shoes. With rhinestones on the heels.
Crisis averted! We did a run on the stage to made sure the sound guy knew our cue and nobody (like me) died moving around the pink boxes. Then we had quite a while to kill until the show even started and then we were closing out the show. Off to the boardwalk!
We set off in quest of Korean tacos that someone (Jess Distress?) had recommended, but ended up at a seafood place instead. Lobster chowder, softshell crabs, Jersey tomatoes, by the ocean on a cool and pleasant night. What could be more summery than that?
I only saw the first half of the show myself and then I was backstage, so I saw those performers both before & after they performed (and got a report from Scratch). What I saw was quite good. Here’s a brief recap (and it’s briefer than it was before WordPress ate my first attempt):
The show was hosted by Neil O’Fortune & The Luvely Rae.
- Lily Stitches: A Harley Quinn chair dance. Her musicality was fantastic! I’m pretty sure those were Dangrrrous Design cage panties with assels.
- Dollface Dagger: Slow & sexy strip. Great stripper’s push-up. I was delighted at the end of the night to see that she had used one of those storage ottomans to sit on during the act and now was now packing into it. We of the Pink Boxes approve.
- Niki Tiki: A slinky classic strip. She had this great black & white ostrich wrap. I have no idea how her headdress stayed in place the whole time.
- Grandma Fun: A tropical-flavored fan dance.
- Scratch: A little “Martini Time” magic.
- Vivi Noir: An energetic striptease I first saw at The Teaseday Club. This lady is a favorite of mine, on-stage & backstage.
- Minnie d’Moocha: The Featured NJ Performer with a classic strip involving a big fur boa.
(There was an intermission here and we went backstage, so my notes get even sketchier)
- Luna Chase: A Disney Snow White strip
- Foxy Squire: Lana from Archer
- Jess Distress: I know she went out dressed as school girl and came back covered in blood. I have no idea what happened in between. Scratch said she did some fire eating and other flamey tricks. She won my heart by covering her performance space with a tarp and taking other precautions to protect the rest of us from her stage blood.
- Attica Wilde: She went out covered in pink balloons and came back covered in gold glitter.
- Delilah: Presented the ethereal La Mort du Corbeau.
- Minnie d’Moocha: Displaying her versatility of style with a Moaning Myrtle act (with Lily Stitches as the basilisk)
- The Boston Babydolls: We performed “Factory Girls”. You can see what it looked like at The Ohio Burlesque Festival.
There was a bit of a panic during the curtain call trying to get our bras & panel skirts from the stage kittens in time to get redressed before they called our name. As it was, we were late — and braless.
After the show, we had a well-deserved drink and posed for some pictures with adoring fans. After packing up & loading out, Betty & Stella hit the dance floor while Scratch talked shop with Jaysin the Magician (who was overseeing Niki Tiki’s merch table and baffling passers-by with his card tricks) and I kibitzed.
Overall, a very good first festival! The organizers should be proud of themselves.
And here’s proof we were there:

