Oh, The Glamourous Life!

Dear Constant Reader,

Just a few more books remain on the shelf and several of them are memoirs or biographies.

The Lady is a Vamp by Tempest Storm (The Last Superstar of Burlesque) with Bill Boyd (1987).

Tempest Storm is one of the true living legends of burlesque. She still performs, still has a fantastic figure and a mane of flaming red hair, and still dazzles. I’ve had the honor of appearing in her “Las Vegas Burlesque Revue” and can say first hand that she’s a gracious lady.

But all was not glamour when she was a little girl. Born Annie Blanche Banks to a sharecropping family in Georgia, she knew only hard work. As a teenager she learned quickly that her large bust only lead to heartbreak and abuse. At 14 she was supporting herself as a waitress and dreaming of fame in Hollywood, despite her crooked teeth. When she finally did get to California and became a burlesque dancer, fame and fortune did quickly follow.

When she first began working in burlesque, Lillian Hunt, her boss, gave her some advice that is still worth following: “…watch what you eat.” “…drinking and dancing don’t mix” “…leave the cigarettes alone…” “Your body is your instrument. Take care of it.”

Storm quickly moved from chorus girl to stripper. After being falsely accused by Lili St. Cyr of sabotaging the star’s act (someone else discarded straight pins on the stage and Miss St. Cyr stepped on them in her bare feet), the newly (and appropriately) named Tempest Storm fought back and was quickly shipped off to another theatre, but as the headliner. And she’s been a headliner ever since.

There’s not a great deal on career other than how successful she was and what fabulous gowns she wears. She does talk very briefly about developing her signature act, but that’s about it.

Much of the book is about her relationships. She was involved with a lot of men who were abusive, jealous, and possessive, including some of her husbands. She’s not shy about detailing their cruelties. On the other hand, she spends a lot of time recalling the various celebrities she bedded, from Elvis and JFK to Nat King Cole and Mickey Rooney. She treats these lovers with affection and occasional wistfulness.

Bettie Page fans will be disappointed that Miss Storm doesn’t even mention her appearance in Irving Klaw’s film Teaserama, let alone dish about it.

I hope that someday our paths will cross again, because her book won’t be complete until my copy is autographed. : )

Dear Constant Reader,

The Corpse Wore Pasties by Jonny Porkpie (2009).

Jonny Porkpie is in big trouble. A much hated burlesque dancer has just died on stage — no, not flopped, really died, murdered — and the self-proclaimed Burlesque Mayor of New York is the likeliest suspect, since he was the one who handed her the bottle of poison she drank on stage. Attempting to find the real murderer and clear his name, against the advice of his long-suffering wife, Nasty Canasta, Jonny finds himself in a number of peculiar predicaments: chased by a heavy metal band across the Brooklyn Bridge, drugged in a dominatrix’s dungeon, hiding the the Hindenberg… Will he uncover the killer before it’s too late?

Despite being published by Hard Case Crime and having a noir title and pulp-worthy cover painting, The Corpse Wore Pasties is a pretty light and fluffy murder mystery. If you’re a burlesque fan, you’ll enjoy the peek backstage. If you’re into NYC burlesque, you’ll have fun deciphering the thinly disguised performers and venues. If you’re a lover of hardboiled detective stories, you’ll be disappointed.

It’s hard for me tell if this book will fly outside the burlesque community. I recognize the cast of characters and (sadly) know all about the incident that sparked the writing. I found the whole thing rather cute, but I don’t know how it wil be received by someone without any knowledge of the burlesque scene.

Jonny Porkpie the author is not much different from Jonny Porkpie the character. You can decided for yourself if that’s a good thing. The book is amusing, firmly tongue in cheek (there’s an obvious joke there that I’m going ignore), and clearly a first novel. Airplane or beach reading.

And with this, I have 6 books left on the to-be-reviewed shelf (5 if I bat my lashes really hard and Scratch writes a guest review of Baggy Pants Comedy: Burlesque and the Oral Tradition).