Oh, The Glamourous Life!

Dear Constant Reader,

I just realized that I’ve given you over 150 tips since I started this blog! And I haven’t missed a Friday yet. (I shouldn’t say that. Now I’m going to jinx myself…)

Today’s tip:

Set deadlines

Even if you don’t have a show on the horizon for that new act, costume, trick, &c., make a deadline anyway. Most of us work better with a concrete deadline instead of an open-ended “someday”. You’ll be less likely to procrastinate or get distracted with that deadline lurking ahead, even if it’s completely arbitrary.

Dear Constant Reader,

I’ve been a bad blogger recently. I feel like I’ve been doing a whole lot of nothing that’s been keeping me away from my correspondence. You deserve better, my faithful reader, and I’ll try to get back to my writing desk more frequently. But at least I still manage to send out your tips every Friday!

Today’s tip is about performances at parties.

Performers are not party guests.

Performers: When you’re hired to perform at a party, you’re there to do your show, not to join in the party. It may look like fun, but only mingle with the guests if it’s specified in your contract. Making a personal appearance is work, just like being on stage. Also, avoid the refreshments unless invited to indulge by your employer. Even then, it’s better to have the food & stuff in your dressing area rather than out with the guests. Be friendly & polite, but head out when you’ve fulfilled your obligations (and after you’ve gotten paid). You want to be remembered as professional.

Hosts: When you hire performers for your party, they are there to do a show, not join in the party. They’re not going to mingle with your guests unless that’s been prearranged as part of the gig. Being “on” off-stage is work too. It’s nice to offer the performers some food & drinks, but have it in their dressing area. Always have a private dressing area available. Being told “you can change in the bathroom” will make any performer’s heart sink. Lastly, pay them promptly. It’s never fun to play “hostess hunt” to get the money so the performers can go home.

Just a few simple courtesies and everyone will have good time!

Dear Constant Reader,

Here in the Northeast, we’re awaiting the arrival of Hurricane Arthur, which forced the Boston Independence Day festivities a day early. Despite the holiday, I would not neglect your tip!

Declare your independence!

No need to jump on the bandwagon of the latest trends. Don’t pattern your act after someone else just because she’s getting a lot of buzz. Just be yourself, your style.

That said, ruts are bad too. Don’t stay in the same comfortable patterns. Push yourself and expand your horizons!

Dear Constant Reader,

Today’s tip is more serious than I usually get here.

Don’t touch the performers.

It sounds so simple, but you’d be surprised how many people just grab and fondle burlesque performers in ways they’d never consider doing to anyone else.

This was sparked because at the show this past weekend, Olivia, our stage kitten, talking woman, and magic assistant, was wearing a corset that gave her some major pushup. During intermission she was helping out at the merch table when a woman said some very flattering things to her and asked if they could take a picture together. Just before the camera clicked, the woman suddenly stuck her face in Olivia’s boobs. Olivia was stunned, to say the least.

Folks, this is not okay. I know we dress scantily, move provocatively, and some of us take off our clothes on stage, but it’s not consent to be touched.

There have been too many stories from showgirls and boylesquers alike about being groped, stroked, grabbed, licked, bitten, and fondled while interacting with the public. So often it happens in the split second before a picture is taken — the offender knows what they are about to do is wrong and times it for maximum surprise.

You may think that this is just the kind of naughty behavior we burlesquers should expect and I’m making a big deal out of a funny photo. I consulted Red the Lawyer and she says this is battery and possible sexual assault.

Get it? That “harmless” action could get you arrested.

If you want to take a salacious picture with a performer, ASK. She may be perfectly happy to let you motorboat her boobs or he might say no to letting you grab his junk. We all have different comfort levels.

And sad as it may seem, sometimes unwanted groping goes on between performers, particularly at festivals or big shows. For some of us, a casual boob-grab is the equivalent of a hug, but don’t assume that’s the same for everyone. Same rules apply: unless you’ve been given permission, no touching. Respect everyone’s boundaries.

I feel so terrible that Olivia, who’s brand new to burlesque, had to experience this behavior from a patron. But it shouldn’t happen to anyone.

And now to lighten the mood, here’s Albert wearing a feather boa:

Dear Constant Reader,

I’m headed up to Portsmouth, NH in a few hours for our show Madame Burlesque. We’re exciting to bring a new version of our first touring show back to one of our favorite venues!

Here’s your tip:

Drink lots of water!

Warm weather is here (finally) and we all need to stay hydrated. Water is the best drink for the job! If you don’t like plain water, add a piece of fruit for flavor: a slice of lemon is traditional, cucumber is very refreshing, and watermelon is amazing.

Dear Constant Reader,

Happy Friday! Here’s your tip!

If you have to use the “gimme, gimme” or “I can’t hear you” gestures, perhaps it is not the audience that is at fault.